[the aggression is something that he can face. he's fought someone who hits hard before, sparred and trained with somebody who could easily throw him into a wall, so by the time kanda's anger begins to calm, mathis has likely taken a pretty decent number of hits. he can manage to hold up to that. but with any opportunity he gets, he strikes back without hesitation-- he never uses his blade to slice, only to deflect, relying on the hilt of it if not a strike from his other hand or a kick.
he's gotten better at doing this with one eye gone, at least.
it's only once he notices that oppressive silence becoming a more genuine quiet that he slows and stills, takes up a more defensive stance without fully dropping it.]
[He doesn't respond right away, but he slows in tandem with Mathis, lowering his sword.
Really, he could do this all day. It might even be better if he did. He has no intentions of confronting those four face-to-face, but it would help to fully wear himself out anyway. Mathis won't complain.
But Kanda's settled enough that the rest of his emotions can take hold more easily. The heartache and flashbacks, the resentment, the exhaustion. These are things he needs to grapple with alone.
It'll be a little easier now, though. His relationships with those four are broken beyond repair, but he, himself, doesn't have to be. He just needs time.]
internally: that's a relief... i think i only could have taken another couple of minutes...
he puts his knife away, then just finds a place to flop onto the ground. oof ough ow. they really did this and then mathis is going to have bruises from kanda, at kanda's trial, very funny actually!!!]
Would you rather I leave you alone for a while...?
[Throws my hat on the ground as you didn't get scaped TCH]
Yeah.
[He doesn't say "please" out loud, but--it's there, implied. He's trusting Mathis to listen, without thinking him cold for it. It's a bigger ask than it seems.]
[By morning, he will have compartmentalized all of this (kind of)--when Mathis comes to train, Kanda will act as though nothing happened. The only change he'll exhibit moving forward is the coldness he'll treat those four with.
But for now, he just nods; he sheathes Mugen, and turns to walk away, heading off to... somewhere. The rest of his PCs I guess. And then to CYOA and death!!!]
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he's gotten better at doing this with one eye gone, at least.
it's only once he notices that oppressive silence becoming a more genuine quiet that he slows and stills, takes up a more defensive stance without fully dropping it.]
...enough?
[or does he need more of this.]
no subject
Really, he could do this all day. It might even be better if he did. He has no intentions of confronting those four face-to-face, but it would help to fully wear himself out anyway. Mathis won't complain.
But Kanda's settled enough that the rest of his emotions can take hold more easily. The heartache and flashbacks, the resentment, the exhaustion. These are things he needs to grapple with alone.
It'll be a little easier now, though. His relationships with those four are broken beyond repair, but he, himself, doesn't have to be. He just needs time.]
For now.
no subject
internally: that's a relief... i think i only could have taken another couple of minutes...
he puts his knife away, then just finds a place to flop onto the ground. oof ough ow. they really did this and then mathis is going to have bruises from kanda, at kanda's trial, very funny actually!!!]
Would you rather I leave you alone for a while...?
no subject
Yeah.
[He doesn't say "please" out loud, but--it's there, implied. He's trusting Mathis to listen, without thinking him cold for it. It's a bigger ask than it seems.]
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[mathis nods, and while it takes him a second to get up-- he pulls himself to his feet once more.]
Um- I'll see you in the morning, but if you decide you would rather train alone too, then... tell me tomorrow, and I'll go work on my own, instead.
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But for now, he just nods; he sheathes Mugen, and turns to walk away, heading off to... somewhere. The rest of his PCs I guess. And then to CYOA and death!!!]