[WELL Lavi has been a lizard for so long but for the sake of this pc he has finally turned back into a human.... and there is something about finally being in his skin that has him duck into one of the houses to use their shower facilities instead of the freezing cold water back at the house.
he takes a few steps in and draws up short, alert -- immediately sensing that he's not alone? luckily the house isn't too large that he can't recognize the shape of this person immediately -- and it helps that his hair is so distinctive]
[he blinks, glancing up with wide eyes that aren't quite focused on lavi-- they dart to the side briefly, his face falling as if listening to something he doesn't want to hear, and he quickly shakes his head.]
it's been a long day, and he did see some people act strangely after the maypole dance, but that doesn't mean his concern abates any. he moves closer, slower than before but still approaching,]
[mathis shrinks away from him, curled in on himself.]
You... shouldn't be around me.
[he still seems to be looking in spots where there's nothing truly there. faceless images of people who he can't recall, because they never genuinely existed in his life-- but who can certainly still speak.]
Lavi watches the way Mathis's eyes dart around, the way he continues to plead, and the realization dawns on him. Instead of stopping as Mathis curls in further, he moves forward even further, only coming to a stop once he's right in front of Mathis, hands still up.]
...It's not real, Mathis. Whatever you're seeing or hearing right now, they're not actually there. Concentrate on my voice, okay? You and me -- we're the only people here right now.
[he frowns, looking back to lavi and struggling to focus on him. he's-- an outlier, that's true, but those words all still echo around in his ears and his mind.]
You should still... you should leave, Lavi, I- I'm not-
[which is probably annoying and invasive and maybe not helpful at all to what Mathis wants or needs, but Lavi knows what he should do here -- and he knows a few people who'd only want Mathis to be okay,]
Can't leave you alone when you're like this, so just talk to me, yeah? Or you can focus on my voice instead.
[there's a brief pause as Lavi thinks back on their other conversations, none of which held even a single hint, though the tattoos stand out briefly now for a different reason.
but it's also not so strange to hear, after meeting some of the others. what's telling is that it's clearly something Mathis is not comfortable with saying,]
[Lavi lets the words hang in the air between them for a moment, just a moment, before he absorbs them, tucks them side by side with the Mathis he's met and come to know,]
...So you have all these memories that aren't yours, cause someone gave them to you?
They-- they are, but they don't belong to me. They're just... patched together from others and- changed enough that I always thought-- I remembered them as... my reality.
[a little strained, there, as he trails off, shakes his head.]
... I'm... he called me a homunculus. Everything about my life was only taken from other people.
[don't bother with him when he isn't even real. when he can still hear the taunt of 'whose memory was that, again?'
when-- he's only alive because others were killed for him to exist.]
[AHHHH MY VIRCHE TRAUMA FLASHBACK MATHIS ROUTE PTSDDDD
he knows the word. and he's even met artificial creations too -- though all of them robots, or made with magic. as for human experimentation of this degree... it's not so far-fetched, though Lavi doesn't remember reading anything close to this from the records he'd been allowed to see --
He looks at Mathis again, as if trying to see what about him could possibly be artificial.]
So when you wanted to stab Gale that time -- that was because... [a reaction taken from someone else? so mathis, in his entirety...
...]
That's why you don't want people to be around you? Because you're a homunculus?
E-essentially... yes. I'm not... stable. When I was like that, I said- awful things to Monsieur Daan, and Iwatooshi, and... and the worst of it was to Nona.
[he isn't the same, when influenced by his memories. he can change quickly when it happens, can stop caring about people he doesn't want to hurt, can--]
[ah. it makes more sense now, Mathis's fear. what would that be like, to have memories that don't belong to you? he knows Bookman would understand, though he'd been a human first before receiving all those memories.
Lavi looks at Mathis, and can't see or hear whatever voices he's hearing,]
Okay, I think I understand now.
[he moves forward, placing his hands on Mathis's shoulders]
But I still can't leave you alone, 'specially like this. If you wanna say something to me about it, then that's fine. If you wanna tussle, then that's okay too. I won't just stand here and get hurt, yeah? So let me stay here.
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week 1, wednesday
he takes a few steps in and draws up short, alert -- immediately sensing that he's not alone? luckily the house isn't too large that he can't recognize the shape of this person immediately -- and it helps that his hair is so distinctive]
-- Mathis?
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[he blinks, glancing up with wide eyes that aren't quite focused on lavi-- they dart to the side briefly, his face falling as if listening to something he doesn't want to hear, and he quickly shakes his head.]
Don't- you shouldn't be....
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it's been a long day, and he did see some people act strangely after the maypole dance, but that doesn't mean his concern abates any. he moves closer, slower than before but still approaching,]
...Hey, it's alright. It's just me.
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[mathis shrinks away from him, curled in on himself.]
You... shouldn't be around me.
[he still seems to be looking in spots where there's nothing truly there. faceless images of people who he can't recall, because they never genuinely existed in his life-- but who can certainly still speak.]
Stop it, please-
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Lavi watches the way Mathis's eyes dart around, the way he continues to plead, and the realization dawns on him. Instead of stopping as Mathis curls in further, he moves forward even further, only coming to a stop once he's right in front of Mathis, hands still up.]
...It's not real, Mathis. Whatever you're seeing or hearing right now, they're not actually there. Concentrate on my voice, okay? You and me -- we're the only people here right now.
[but are they?]
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[he frowns, looking back to lavi and struggling to focus on him. he's-- an outlier, that's true, but those words all still echo around in his ears and his mind.]
You should still... you should leave, Lavi, I- I'm not-
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[which is probably annoying and invasive and maybe not helpful at all to what Mathis wants or needs, but Lavi knows what he should do here -- and he knows a few people who'd only want Mathis to be okay,]
Can't leave you alone when you're like this, so just talk to me, yeah? Or you can focus on my voice instead.
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[this is, at the very least, helping him focus on lavi more.]
I'm only going to-- I was awful to Nona, and Monsieur Daan, and Iwatooshi--
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Hey, we all say shitty stuff when we're angry. None of those people are gonna beat you up for that, so don't do it to yourself.
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[he's wrong. it wasn't just an outburst, he can't...]
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You wanted to fight Gale out of nowhere. And it was definitely out of nowhere, cause we spent that whole day cooking together.
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What was the reason then?
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[he's still hearing those voices, distracted briefly, squeezing his eyes shut.]
I'm not- really a human.
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but it's also not so strange to hear, after meeting some of the others. what's telling is that it's clearly something Mathis is not comfortable with saying,]
...You're not human because of your memories?
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[his voice is quiet, a little fragile. the voices' fault, likely.
'that's right. my cute, foolish-']
I was made with them.
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...So you have all these memories that aren't yours, cause someone gave them to you?
How do you know they aren't real?
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[a little strained, there, as he trails off, shakes his head.]
... I'm... he called me a homunculus. Everything about my life was only taken from other people.
[don't bother with him when he isn't even real. when he can still hear the taunt of 'whose memory was that, again?'
when-- he's only alive because others were killed for him to exist.]
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he knows the word. and he's even met artificial creations too -- though all of them robots, or made with magic. as for human experimentation of this degree... it's not so far-fetched, though Lavi doesn't remember reading anything close to this from the records he'd been allowed to see --
He looks at Mathis again, as if trying to see what about him could possibly be artificial.]
So when you wanted to stab Gale that time -- that was because... [a reaction taken from someone else? so mathis, in his entirety...
...]
That's why you don't want people to be around you? Because you're a homunculus?
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[he isn't the same, when influenced by his memories. he can change quickly when it happens, can stop caring about people he doesn't want to hurt, can--]
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Lavi looks at Mathis, and can't see or hear whatever voices he's hearing,]
Okay, I think I understand now.
[he moves forward, placing his hands on Mathis's shoulders]
But I still can't leave you alone, 'specially like this. If you wanna say something to me about it, then that's fine. If you wanna tussle, then that's okay too. I won't just stand here and get hurt, yeah? So let me stay here.
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[he shakes his head, eyes closed, but... he doesn't have it in him to pull away from lavi's hands.]
Why would you want to be here--? I'm not... someone who you should let yourself be attached to.
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and then he claps his hand on top of Mathis's head, ruffling his hair.]
'One time, one meeting'. We've already met, yeah? So there's no taking that back, no matter what.
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[it's-- a confusing answer, enough so that he accepts the hair ruffling as well.]
I don't... understand what you mean.
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[hair ruffles again, now he's just trying to be annoying wow]
I'll never meet anyone like you again. That's enough of a reason to stick around.
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