she's wandering, looking around - and when she finds him all curled up, she does a little hop-skip and moves faster towards him. she's doing her best to not read the words, but this is rp and i want to interact with the effect so she probably does it on accident.]
[he blinks, eyes widening in surprise as he realizes how close she is. he didn't notice... was he spacing out again?
mathis shrinks back a little, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, but he hasn't noticed yet that it's failing to hide the words bleeding through. they're-- jumbled, though, disjointed and strange, not quite connecting right.
i let my most important person die, and i'm afraid she won't return. i let my most important person die, and i haven't gotten revenge for him. please don't leave me here in the dark, i promise i'll be good. i miss you. i don't know you. i'm afraid of you.
he's trying not to look at her words, but it's hard not to read them when they're there, so. he probably ends up seeing them before he looks away from her arm.]
[oh. that... makes sense, that makes a lot of things make sense, actually, from before. silence, for a couple of seconds as she processes that, and then:]
Is that because of the Reliver memory thing?
[she's got a lot to say about this, but she wants to understand, first.]
[she doesn't have a really solid grasp of like, downloading things? but she knows how souls can coexist in a body and fight for dominance, and she knows magic is fucking weird, so her best guess was all those memories of people got shoved in one place.
she squeezes his hand gently.]
... So that's what you meant by not remembering right, then?
Y-yes. I remembered... living for seventeen years, but all of that time was... wasn't real. The people I thought I knew-- weren't real, either.
I only have... a year of real memories, a-and even then, all of me is...
[a construction. a person made as a result of a pieced-together history that doesn't belong to him at all. so who is he when he doesn't know if he has a personality of his own?]
she scooches a little closer, wrapping an arm gently around his shoulders.]
You don't want the other memories? You don't gotta keep 'em. [...] You've got a good start, though, you've got the one year. So start with that, right? You can start with that.
[that's not-- fair. she sounded like she loved her home so much, and she's been so kind here, and from what she'd said about dealing with the engine... been through some things already.
[she pets his hair a bit when he clings, and takes a deep breath.]
It's alright. I'd already decided I wasn't going to tie my fate to anybody else either, you know? For the same reason. I can't put that on someone, not when I don't even know what's next.
But the thing is, even if you have got a ticking clock, you can make the most of what you have. You're breathing now, you're alive, and you can make some good memories before everything runs out. Make it worth it.
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she's wandering, looking around - and when she finds him all curled up, she does a little hop-skip and moves faster towards him. she's doing her best to not read the words, but this is rp and i want to interact with the effect so she probably does it on accident.]
Hey there, daisychain. You okay?
[her own words are just scrawled across her arm.]
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[he blinks, eyes widening in surprise as he realizes how close she is. he didn't notice... was he spacing out again?
mathis shrinks back a little, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, but he hasn't noticed yet that it's failing to hide the words bleeding through. they're-- jumbled, though, disjointed and strange, not quite connecting right.
i let my most important person die, and i'm afraid she won't return. i let my most important person die, and i haven't gotten revenge for him. please don't leave me here in the dark, i promise i'll be good. i miss you. i don't know you. i'm afraid of you.
he's trying not to look at her words, but it's hard not to read them when they're there, so. he probably ends up seeing them before he looks away from her arm.]
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she pauses, tail jittering behind her. her words - or word, rather, it's just one, says AVERNUS. there's an obscenely huge number under it, though.]
The magic thing that's going on has got you messed up, huh.
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[he glances down, realizes they're showing anyway, and shakes his head, curling in on himself more.
meanwhile, his words coalesce for the moment into one fear. existing.]
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she will just... sit down next to him.]
You want to talk about it, or should I leave it alone?
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[what to say about it. it's going to sound pretty bad no matter what.]
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Is it a regret or a fear? Existence.
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[he hesitates, but-- he does take her hand, after a moment.]
I- I don't really...
[a little shake of his head.]
'Mathis Claude' wasn't... ever really born.
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I don't know what that means.
[but she holds his hand anyway.]
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[he shakes his head, not letting go of her hand. the warmth is reassuring.]
My memories aren't... mine. They were just put together, but they all... came from other people. I wasn't-- wasn't even-- there.
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Is that because of the Reliver memory thing?
[she's got a lot to say about this, but she wants to understand, first.]
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[another headshake.]
But my memories... were partially downloaded from people who are Relivers, s-so...
[it is, actually, a little bit because of that!]
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she squeezes his hand gently.]
... So that's what you meant by not remembering right, then?
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Y-yes. I remembered... living for seventeen years, but all of that time was... wasn't real. The people I thought I knew-- weren't real, either.
I only have... a year of real memories, a-and even then, all of me is...
[a construction. a person made as a result of a pieced-together history that doesn't belong to him at all. so who is he when he doesn't know if he has a personality of his own?]
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she scooches a little closer, wrapping an arm gently around his shoulders.]
You don't want the other memories? You don't gotta keep 'em. [...] You've got a good start, though, you've got the one year. So start with that, right? You can start with that.
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[he-- hesitates a little longer, here, especially with her arm wrapped around his shoulders. there's a longer stretch of silence.
but it's fair to say it now, right? she's so nice to him. it's not... fair to let her do that and just...]
...it usually doesn't... work. Putting memories in a body that doesn't match them. It's not working anymore.
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[??? america explain]
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[well. there's no facility for that, or anyone who knows how to do it. so.]
Th-that's why I can't... let anyone match me.
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... So you're on a time limit.
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[another little pause.]
I... don't know exactly how long, but... probably shorter than the time we have here.
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second of all:]
I'll tell you a secret, then, if you promise to keep it to yourself.
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yeah he. really kind of needs that hug, right now, leaning into it.]
...o...okay. I will, I promise.
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We've got that in common. I've only got a bit before I go, too.
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[that's not-- fair. she sounded like she loved her home so much, and she's been so kind here, and from what she'd said about dealing with the engine... been through some things already.
he shakes his head and just. clings.]
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It's alright. I'd already decided I wasn't going to tie my fate to anybody else either, you know? For the same reason. I can't put that on someone, not when I don't even know what's next.
But the thing is, even if you have got a ticking clock, you can make the most of what you have. You're breathing now, you're alive, and you can make some good memories before everything runs out. Make it worth it.
So do that. Okay? Make it worth it.
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