[oh. that... makes sense, that makes a lot of things make sense, actually, from before. silence, for a couple of seconds as she processes that, and then:]
Is that because of the Reliver memory thing?
[she's got a lot to say about this, but she wants to understand, first.]
[she doesn't have a really solid grasp of like, downloading things? but she knows how souls can coexist in a body and fight for dominance, and she knows magic is fucking weird, so her best guess was all those memories of people got shoved in one place.
she squeezes his hand gently.]
... So that's what you meant by not remembering right, then?
Y-yes. I remembered... living for seventeen years, but all of that time was... wasn't real. The people I thought I knew-- weren't real, either.
I only have... a year of real memories, a-and even then, all of me is...
[a construction. a person made as a result of a pieced-together history that doesn't belong to him at all. so who is he when he doesn't know if he has a personality of his own?]
she scooches a little closer, wrapping an arm gently around his shoulders.]
You don't want the other memories? You don't gotta keep 'em. [...] You've got a good start, though, you've got the one year. So start with that, right? You can start with that.
[that's not-- fair. she sounded like she loved her home so much, and she's been so kind here, and from what she'd said about dealing with the engine... been through some things already.
[she pets his hair a bit when he clings, and takes a deep breath.]
It's alright. I'd already decided I wasn't going to tie my fate to anybody else either, you know? For the same reason. I can't put that on someone, not when I don't even know what's next.
But the thing is, even if you have got a ticking clock, you can make the most of what you have. You're breathing now, you're alive, and you can make some good memories before everything runs out. Make it worth it.
[she tucks his head under her chin, keeping him close.]
You try, and I'll help. I'm a professional. [...] We'll have a blast, alright? And I'll make sure my friends remember you the way you want, if it comes to that.
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I don't know what that means.
[but she holds his hand anyway.]
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[he shakes his head, not letting go of her hand. the warmth is reassuring.]
My memories aren't... mine. They were just put together, but they all... came from other people. I wasn't-- wasn't even-- there.
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Is that because of the Reliver memory thing?
[she's got a lot to say about this, but she wants to understand, first.]
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[another headshake.]
But my memories... were partially downloaded from people who are Relivers, s-so...
[it is, actually, a little bit because of that!]
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she squeezes his hand gently.]
... So that's what you meant by not remembering right, then?
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Y-yes. I remembered... living for seventeen years, but all of that time was... wasn't real. The people I thought I knew-- weren't real, either.
I only have... a year of real memories, a-and even then, all of me is...
[a construction. a person made as a result of a pieced-together history that doesn't belong to him at all. so who is he when he doesn't know if he has a personality of his own?]
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she scooches a little closer, wrapping an arm gently around his shoulders.]
You don't want the other memories? You don't gotta keep 'em. [...] You've got a good start, though, you've got the one year. So start with that, right? You can start with that.
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[he-- hesitates a little longer, here, especially with her arm wrapped around his shoulders. there's a longer stretch of silence.
but it's fair to say it now, right? she's so nice to him. it's not... fair to let her do that and just...]
...it usually doesn't... work. Putting memories in a body that doesn't match them. It's not working anymore.
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[??? america explain]
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[well. there's no facility for that, or anyone who knows how to do it. so.]
Th-that's why I can't... let anyone match me.
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... So you're on a time limit.
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[another little pause.]
I... don't know exactly how long, but... probably shorter than the time we have here.
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second of all:]
I'll tell you a secret, then, if you promise to keep it to yourself.
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yeah he. really kind of needs that hug, right now, leaning into it.]
...o...okay. I will, I promise.
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We've got that in common. I've only got a bit before I go, too.
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[that's not-- fair. she sounded like she loved her home so much, and she's been so kind here, and from what she'd said about dealing with the engine... been through some things already.
he shakes his head and just. clings.]
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It's alright. I'd already decided I wasn't going to tie my fate to anybody else either, you know? For the same reason. I can't put that on someone, not when I don't even know what's next.
But the thing is, even if you have got a ticking clock, you can make the most of what you have. You're breathing now, you're alive, and you can make some good memories before everything runs out. Make it worth it.
So do that. Okay? Make it worth it.
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[it's muffled against her, a little.]
I-I don't know if I know how, but I... I'll try.
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[she tucks his head under her chin, keeping him close.]
You try, and I'll help. I'm a professional. [...] We'll have a blast, alright? And I'll make sure my friends remember you the way you want, if it comes to that.
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[that's-
it's definitely more than he deserves, but the thought of it is still sort of comforting.]
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[huff.]
Cross my heart.