ashlyn [pcs]

[cumulative]

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[killies]

[ she curls in on herself a bit and doesn't say anything. but she's scared and worried and hurt and protective and angry and every other bad feeling too, probably. ]

[cumulative]

Ashlyn-

[he starts, but he realizes he doesn't... know what to say in this situation. his own emotions pick up a bit more-- a little more of that touch of guilt, self-consciousness.]

[killies]

[ it's fine. she's bad at providing comfort and as a consequence never really expects it from anyone else, either.

she takes a second. breathes. her emotiona regulate a little and dull, all still there, but quieter. ]

... It's not really going to be up to me anyway.

[cumulative]

...you're my partner. If I can't be honest with you, then who am I supposed to say anything to-?

[he says first, shaking his head, winding a lock of his hair around his fingers.]

It isn't-- entirely up to me either. But I don't... I don't know if I... want to keep just watching everyone else leave.

[killies]

... No.

[ this is mean. and it's really not her place to try to decide for him. but! no! ]

We don't know for sure what's going to happen to the people who are in the other dimension! Sure, they're somewhere, but who knows if they can make it home?! I'm not just letting you quit because you're miserable.

[cumulative]

Most of us are already going to have to-!

[a little more presence, finally.]

I don't want to keep doing this!

[killies]

No one does! That doesn't mean you can just give up! You have to deal with it!

[cumulative]

But we can't even all deal with it!

[they have to get to five at some point.]

[killies]

So, what? You want me to just sacrifice you because it has to be someone?! What about everyone who wants you to make it? There are people on both sides worrying about you!

[cumulative]

They wanted that before we knew-

[a little more guilt. he doesn't-- he doesn't want to disappoint them, but thinking of being one of the last ones left is so...]

[killies]

Do you seriously think any of them have changed their minds?

[cumulative]

...no. That's- likely why he's the only one who even told me. None of them are-

[there's a tinge of frustration, now.]

Did-- did they want me to just continue going through it until I didn't have a choice?

[killies]

Yes! They want you to survive for as long as you can. Because there's a chance you make it to the end, and that makes it worth trying.

Giving up shouldn't be on the table. It's not a choice you should feel like you can make!

[ a deranged take, but she has ✨️baggage✨️ ]

[cumulative]

It isn't the same here. I-- I trust Scien about that.

He said... sacrifice is practical in this case, and only this one. That he wouldn't be disappointed in me.

[killies]

Is his opinion the only one that matters to you? You just need him to tell you it's okay and that's enough?

And then you can just give up and leave figuring out what to do to everyone else still alive?

[cumulative]

What am I even going to figure out, if I barely hear about what's going on?

[there are people who will be better at this.]

[killies]

I don't know! I barely get what's going on either, but you're smart! People care about you! That should be enough!

[cumulative]

I thought-- I thought that it would be.

[killies]

You can't stop me from trying to keep you safe.

[cumulative]

Then what would you even do?

[killies]

I don't know. There's only so much I can do.

But I'm not giving up.

[cumulative]

Why?

[killies]

Why would I become your partner just to let you die anyway?! Why would I gamble with your chance at getting home? With mine?!

You can't just quit when things get hard. You play the hand you're dealt to the end.

[cumulative]

I didn't quit when they got hard! They've already been hard since Iwatooshi died-- since before that--!

[those feelings are still overwhelmingly just a mess of bad vibes.]

I've stayed alive, and I've tried to do something about this, only for us to learn that we really are only going to have to lose almost everyone else-- so how much of this do I have to go through before it's allowed to be too much...?!

[killies]

But you're trying to quit now!

[ her emotions are a mix of sympathy and worry and guilt... being completely outweighed by frustration. ]

Things have been hard and they're going to stay hard, but you have to see it through! Stop trying to convince me that this is anything but a coward's way out!