So, what? You want me to just sacrifice you because it has to be someone?! What about everyone who wants you to make it? There are people on both sides worrying about you!
I didn't quit when they got hard! They've already been hard since Iwatooshi died-- since before that--!
[those feelings are still overwhelmingly just a mess of bad vibes.]
I've stayed alive, and I've tried to do something about this, only for us to learn that we really are only going to have to lose almost everyone else-- so how much of this do I have to go through before it's allowed to be too much...?!
[ her emotions are a mix of sympathy and worry and guilt... being completely outweighed by frustration. ]
Things have been hard and they're going to stay hard, but you have to see it through! Stop trying to convince me that this is anything but a coward's way out!
admittedly there are plenty of other things wrong with him. technically he's a year old. he's never lost anyone before. not for real. he only has others' memories of loss, of grief, and now his first real experience with it has just been-- constant, relentless loss. people he cares about dying right in front of him.
[ maybe it's easier for her. she's used to watching people die in front of her and usually it's a consequence of her call as their leader. this is just how life is for her.
... or. maybe that means she's already monumentally tired of failing to keep people safe. maybe she was past her breaking point before even coming here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[they have to get to five at some point.]
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[a little more guilt. he doesn't-- he doesn't want to disappoint them, but thinking of being one of the last ones left is so...]
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[there's a tinge of frustration, now.]
Did-- did they want me to just continue going through it until I didn't have a choice?
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Giving up shouldn't be on the table. It's not a choice you should feel like you can make!
[ a deranged take, but she has ✨️baggage✨️ ]
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He said... sacrifice is practical in this case, and only this one. That he wouldn't be disappointed in me.
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And then you can just give up and leave figuring out what to do to everyone else still alive?
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[there are people who will be better at this.]
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But I'm not giving up.
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You can't just quit when things get hard. You play the hand you're dealt to the end.
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[those feelings are still overwhelmingly just a mess of bad vibes.]
I've stayed alive, and I've tried to do something about this, only for us to learn that we really are only going to have to lose almost everyone else-- so how much of this do I have to go through before it's allowed to be too much...?!
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[ her emotions are a mix of sympathy and worry and guilt... being completely outweighed by frustration. ]
Things have been hard and they're going to stay hard, but you have to see it through! Stop trying to convince me that this is anything but a coward's way out!
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Then you can find yourself a partner who you won't see as cowardly-!
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[he's exhausted of this.
admittedly there are plenty of other things wrong with him. technically he's a year old. he's never lost anyone before. not for real. he only has others' memories of loss, of grief, and now his first real experience with it has just been-- constant, relentless loss. people he cares about dying right in front of him.
it's so much.]
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... or. maybe that means she's already monumentally tired of failing to keep people safe. maybe she was past her breaking point before even coming here.
one of those! ]
I don't care.
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