[She takes one of his hands in her own, brushing her thumbs over the knuckles.]
I...know it's very little comfort, but it's definitely not like any death I know of. I didn't get to see it. But this Thursday, when Asa and I were taken by the fog? We were on a trip with Nina and Iwatooshi. They had bodies. They were themselves. They could still get hurt, even. Proof of life, if you ask me.
I don't think it's as final an end as we're afraid of. And maybe it won't be a place we're stuck forever. It's very murky, I know, and the act itself is still terrifying. But you won't be alone, if you come. Far from it.
[There's a beat.]
But it's okay to be afraid, too. It's okay to want to live. You deserve a chance to ask for one, if you want it. It's not just about what some vote decides. We were having trouble with it because so few people spoke up with a definite answer. If you have one, you should say something.
It... isn't that I'm afraid. For a while, I was... ready to die. I was going to die at home. I thought that I would, soon after we arrived here.
[he didn't expect to survive.]
And last weekend, I wanted-- I wanted to leave, so badly. It all felt so heavy. I felt as if I couldn't possibly make it, but... but everyone I spoke to wanted me to stay. They didn't want me to leave, they-- they wanted to help me, instead.
Lavi said-- he said that he wanted me to stay, a-and live, and be there with him in the end.
[...]
I couldn't... vote for myself. It felt too strange. S-so it was... Lavi, and Suguru, and Gojo. I wanted all of them to be there, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
no subject
...Did you ask one of the others? If they're up for a trade?
no subject
It was everyone's decision, for me not to stay.
no subject
I voted for you.
no subject
Th.... thank you, but I- I meant--
[not enough others did the same, so he doesn't really have the right to ask for anything to be different.]
no subject
[She takes one of his hands in her own, brushing her thumbs over the knuckles.]
I...know it's very little comfort, but it's definitely not like any death I know of. I didn't get to see it. But this Thursday, when Asa and I were taken by the fog? We were on a trip with Nina and Iwatooshi. They had bodies. They were themselves. They could still get hurt, even. Proof of life, if you ask me.
I don't think it's as final an end as we're afraid of. And maybe it won't be a place we're stuck forever. It's very murky, I know, and the act itself is still terrifying. But you won't be alone, if you come. Far from it.
[There's a beat.]
But it's okay to be afraid, too. It's okay to want to live. You deserve a chance to ask for one, if you want it. It's not just about what some vote decides. We were having trouble with it because so few people spoke up with a definite answer. If you have one, you should say something.
cw-ish mention of ideation
[he didn't expect to survive.]
And last weekend, I wanted-- I wanted to leave, so badly. It all felt so heavy. I felt as if I couldn't possibly make it, but... but everyone I spoke to wanted me to stay. They didn't want me to leave, they-- they wanted to help me, instead.
Lavi said-- he said that he wanted me to stay, a-and live, and be there with him in the end.
[...]
I couldn't... vote for myself. It felt too strange. S-so it was... Lavi, and Suguru, and Gojo. I wanted all of them to be there, too.