I... I'm not oblivious, Robin. All that most of them told me was that they wanted me to live even if it was painful, and-- only one would tell me why it would be.
I don't want to keep watching everyone die around me.
[a little choked. harms us both with this during execution.]
I don't want to do this. I-it's too heavy. But if I try to talk about it, they... [the emotions are despondent, guilty.] Lavi-- said he wanted me to stay, and be there at the end along with him-- that he started trying to hope this would be all right b-because of Karlach and because of me, so how... how am I supposed to...?
[how can he have the freedom to make that decision like this? them and their care for him, like something keeping him up and tying him down at the same time.
(though when he talks about lavi the emotion is a little different. a deeper warmth, but something hopeless, helpless all the same.)]
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w5 saturday
Robin...?
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her emotions are violent and dark, but they're coiled tight right now, as if ready to lash out. ]
Are you sure you want to see me?
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I just... wanted to let you know that I was here, too.
[like she said to him last night.]
I wanted to be here.
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What does being here do, Mathis?
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[he admits, quietly.
...]
But even if he never actually said it to me, I remember my brother telling me not to do anything to leave someone else lonely. I've still tried.
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[ there is a vicious coldness to her emotions. ]
Isn't it pointless?
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[a little shake of his head.]
And Camille is still... my brother, to me. He took care of me, and worried over me, e-even if he also... killed to create me.
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Oh? You were born from death? Is that why these locations this week cause you such horror? How funny.
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and he tries, but the shared emotions give away his horror at thinking about it.]
I... I was able to still help in there yesterday because you were with me.
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... You did help. You helped a lot.
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[but he tried. her sadness is answered with more of his own.]
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I know. I know... I wish I could give you a different outcome.
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[...a little shake of his head.]
I'm sorry that it's going to be... the way that these always are.
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[ even if robin can't grant it. ]
I didn't mean to be another one who left you like this. I didn't want to add to it.
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[...]
Maybe-- maybe I'll see you there. Wherever it is that you go.
[maybe.]
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[ that's a worrying thing to say and a worrying thing to hear. ]
Are you.... to... who else was suspected....
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[he can't answer her question, exactly, but. this was true regardless of how the weekend went.
he's tired. he doesn't know if he'll be allowed to be.]
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there are words on the tip of her tongue, but she holds them back. she nods. ]
Does it feel futile for you?
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I don't want to keep watching everyone die around me.
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[ ... ]
You should have as much freedom to choose as you can how to live, but... you have as many people holding on for you, as you are holding on for.
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[a little choked. harms us both with this during execution.]
I don't want to do this. I-it's too heavy. But if I try to talk about it, they... [the emotions are despondent, guilty.] Lavi-- said he wanted me to stay, and be there at the end along with him-- that he started trying to hope this would be all right b-because of Karlach and because of me, so how... how am I supposed to...?
[how can he have the freedom to make that decision like this? them and their care for him, like something keeping him up and tying him down at the same time.
(though when he talks about lavi the emotion is a little different. a deeper warmth, but something hopeless, helpless all the same.)]
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Either decision will be heavy. There isn't a wrong decision. It will hurt either way. You will hurt someone, no matter what.
[ himself... or those who leaves behind. ]
You know the number.... so... that is something you can discuss.
[ it is something they all have to discuss. there is no freedom, only a dilemma that must be answered, both personally and externally. ]