I... I'm not oblivious, Robin. All that most of them told me was that they wanted me to live even if it was painful, and-- only one would tell me why it would be.
I don't want to keep watching everyone die around me.
[a little choked. harms us both with this during execution.]
I don't want to do this. I-it's too heavy. But if I try to talk about it, they... [the emotions are despondent, guilty.] Lavi-- said he wanted me to stay, and be there at the end along with him-- that he started trying to hope this would be all right b-because of Karlach and because of me, so how... how am I supposed to...?
[how can he have the freedom to make that decision like this? them and their care for him, like something keeping him up and tying him down at the same time.
(though when he talks about lavi the emotion is a little different. a deeper warmth, but something hopeless, helpless all the same.)]
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[...]
Maybe-- maybe I'll see you there. Wherever it is that you go.
[maybe.]
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[ that's a worrying thing to say and a worrying thing to hear. ]
Are you.... to... who else was suspected....
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[he can't answer her question, exactly, but. this was true regardless of how the weekend went.
he's tired. he doesn't know if he'll be allowed to be.]
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there are words on the tip of her tongue, but she holds them back. she nods. ]
Does it feel futile for you?
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I don't want to keep watching everyone die around me.
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[ ... ]
You should have as much freedom to choose as you can how to live, but... you have as many people holding on for you, as you are holding on for.
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[a little choked. harms us both with this during execution.]
I don't want to do this. I-it's too heavy. But if I try to talk about it, they... [the emotions are despondent, guilty.] Lavi-- said he wanted me to stay, and be there at the end along with him-- that he started trying to hope this would be all right b-because of Karlach and because of me, so how... how am I supposed to...?
[how can he have the freedom to make that decision like this? them and their care for him, like something keeping him up and tying him down at the same time.
(though when he talks about lavi the emotion is a little different. a deeper warmth, but something hopeless, helpless all the same.)]
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Either decision will be heavy. There isn't a wrong decision. It will hurt either way. You will hurt someone, no matter what.
[ himself... or those who leaves behind. ]
You know the number.... so... that is something you can discuss.
[ it is something they all have to discuss. there is no freedom, only a dilemma that must be answered, both personally and externally. ]