I intend to use the item in the cabinet to bring Miss Camille back to life, on Monday. That is why I have - that's why I haven't said anything. It's the only reason. I do not want too many people to know, lest something happen and for it to go wrong.
[ ah. he - he gets choked up, here, briefly, and swallows, turning his gaze away. mathis can likely see the turmoil on his face - it's kept him up since the day it happened, in every conversation, in every moment that's passed, since. in every who would do this. in every moment of sorrow on the others faces, he thinks of camille, and it breaks his heart.
there's a tremble in his voice. ]
... She wanted to live. [ in those last moments, she wanted to live. that, he knows for sure. ] And I don't - I don't think she should have had to be killed, because she was controlled and possessed by something that wasn't her. I don't - I'll tell everyone, once it's done, I swear.
She shouldn't have had to be. None of them should. I was hoping that... she was still alive because there was some way to save her.
[and this sort of thing is... it's difficult. of course he would want to revive the person who he killed. of course it would likely feel wrong to kill camille and revive someone else; it would be an impossible choice.
he still has to ask, not because he thinks rondo should do anything differently, but just because he wants to know:]
You'll do that for her, even though Marina is dead?
[ there's no hesitation. even though rondo lost someone devastatingly close to him this weekend, to the brutality of a monster that possessed caelus, he doesn't hesitate. just like with hope. there's no other option. ]
My hands were the ones to take her life. And I will revive her, because of it.
[ in the end, what makes rondo the rightful successor to the flameguard is not his battle skills, or his birthright, or his training. it's his pure, azure blue heart that burns his brightest, that makes him worthy. and it's in moments like these that, selflessly, it shines. ]
...things like this are... why it was hard for me to believe that it was really you, at first.
[a slight shake of his head.]
When I heard what happened, and no one admitted to killing her, I thought that someone had taken it into their own hands and was refusing to face what they did. That they were willing to kill her, but not willing to take responsibility.
[ a little laugh. no he is going to take SO much responsibility. god. he's tearing up a little, just kind of - relieved, at being able to finally say something about it, and he lifts a hand to rub at his eyes. ] It's - it's been very hard not to say anything. I've had to slip away from larger conversations too many times, lest I blurt something out. I'm looking forward to when she's returned to us, so I can finally confess to it all.
I'm sorry. I - the last thing I ever wanted was for you to be disappointed in me, Mathis. [ ... ] May I ask, now... how you knew?
She was my friend. So when I thought that was the case, I needed to know. I needed to at least try, for her sake, even though it relied on being lucky.
[after a pause, a few moments of hesitation:]
The monster that I have is a manticore. I can see a conversation that someone had, on a given day.
surprise flickers across his face - and then he smiles a little, and bows his head. ]
… thank you, for entrusting me with such a thing. [ that knowledge - knowing a monster is preciously important, after all. ] That was clever of you, too.
I… wanted to ask her, first. I wanted to include her in the conversation of what to do, but… that didn’t happen.
[ his brow knits together into sorrow, and he shakes his head. ] I’m sure she will have many words for me come Monday. But, that she can have them at all is a blessing that I am more than willing to take all the heat for.
Yes. I'm sorry about the other night-- I went to Monsieur Gale first, and he asked me not to speak about it yet, so I hadn't had the chance to say anything to you.
It didn't feel right to pretend that everything was exactly as usual.
[ no worries there, either. he smiles a little further, dipping his head to acquiesce. just kind of blatantly relieved. it's been really, really hard keeping this secret, and there are no words for how much relief he feels that mathis gets to know. ]
I must ask, of course, that you keep this as secret as possible - though, I know that you will. This information must stay between us, just... just until it's done.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ ... ]
I intend to use the item in the cabinet to bring Miss Camille back to life, on Monday. That is why I have - that's why I haven't said anything. It's the only reason. I do not want too many people to know, lest something happen and for it to go wrong.
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[he says quietly, before lapsing into silence to just-- consider that. to take it in.
it should be a relief, but he thinks of what was said about her, about the things that she had said.]
Rondo, are you sure that it's what she would want?
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[ ah. he - he gets choked up, here, briefly, and swallows, turning his gaze away. mathis can likely see the turmoil on his face - it's kept him up since the day it happened, in every conversation, in every moment that's passed, since. in every who would do this. in every moment of sorrow on the others faces, he thinks of camille, and it breaks his heart.
there's a tremble in his voice. ]
... She wanted to live. [ in those last moments, she wanted to live. that, he knows for sure. ] And I don't - I don't think she should have had to be killed, because she was controlled and possessed by something that wasn't her. I don't - I'll tell everyone, once it's done, I swear.
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[and this sort of thing is... it's difficult. of course he would want to revive the person who he killed. of course it would likely feel wrong to kill camille and revive someone else; it would be an impossible choice.
he still has to ask, not because he thinks rondo should do anything differently, but just because he wants to know:]
You'll do that for her, even though Marina is dead?
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[ there's no hesitation. even though rondo lost someone devastatingly close to him this weekend, to the brutality of a monster that possessed caelus, he doesn't hesitate. just like with hope. there's no other option. ]
My hands were the ones to take her life. And I will revive her, because of it.
[ in the end, what makes rondo the rightful successor to the flameguard is not his battle skills, or his birthright, or his training. it's his pure, azure blue heart that burns his brightest, that makes him worthy. and it's in moments like these that, selflessly, it shines. ]
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[a slight shake of his head.]
When I heard what happened, and no one admitted to killing her, I thought that someone had taken it into their own hands and was refusing to face what they did. That they were willing to kill her, but not willing to take responsibility.
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[ a little laugh. no he is going to take SO much responsibility. god. he's tearing up a little, just kind of - relieved, at being able to finally say something about it, and he lifts a hand to rub at his eyes. ] It's - it's been very hard not to say anything. I've had to slip away from larger conversations too many times, lest I blurt something out. I'm looking forward to when she's returned to us, so I can finally confess to it all.
I'm sorry. I - the last thing I ever wanted was for you to be disappointed in me, Mathis. [ ... ] May I ask, now... how you knew?
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[after a pause, a few moments of hesitation:]
The monster that I have is a manticore. I can see a conversation that someone had, on a given day.
I saw... I saw it all, Rondo.
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surprise flickers across his face - and then he smiles a little, and bows his head. ]
… thank you, for entrusting me with such a thing. [ that knowledge - knowing a monster is preciously important, after all. ] That was clever of you, too.
I… wanted to ask her, first. I wanted to include her in the conversation of what to do, but… that didn’t happen.
[ his brow knits together into sorrow, and he shakes his head. ] I’m sure she will have many words for me come Monday. But, that she can have them at all is a blessing that I am more than willing to take all the heat for.
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[now that he knows-- he'd have trusted it was fine, if he had any idea, but.
it was a good idea given what he knew at the time.]
...I hope that it works out.
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[ baby. he reaches up and rubs at his own eyes a little bit - gods, but it has been a day. ]
And I do, as well. [ it better. at least. a hesitant pause, and then: ] Are... we alright?
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It didn't feel right to pretend that everything was exactly as usual.
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[ no worries there, either. he smiles a little further, dipping his head to acquiesce. just kind of blatantly relieved. it's been really, really hard keeping this secret, and there are no words for how much relief he feels that mathis gets to know. ]
I must ask, of course, that you keep this as secret as possible - though, I know that you will. This information must stay between us, just... just until it's done.