mathis joins him! he needs the distraction, to be honest-- likely needs a moment at first to manage to focus, his concentration interrupted by his concern and lingering worry. but once he's able to just put his attention on this, on kanda, on fighting him until the buzz of worry settles into the background and quiets, it's easier, especially with emotionshare letting him lean a little on the sharp focus kanda maintains.
it helps. he feels calmer by the time he breaks away, breathing hard, likely bruised up again if kanda is being intense about it. he's set on helping with whatever comes, after all.]
...I think... I think I shouldn't push any further for tonight.
I'd rather not be too tired tomorrow, either... I already know it's going to take a lot of work to keep up.
[but he doesn't say it self-consciously. there's a little more determination, there, especially after laudna had said he would be killed immediately. that he needed protection.
[He's quiet for a minute, mulling something over.]
...The stuff we used the rock for--it won't affect you, will it?
[He knows they specified "with limitations" and Mathis's... whole thing isn't, like, a power or ability anyway, so he doesn't think it should be a problem--but still.]
[Hmmmm. Well... that could be good or bad depending on how things shake out, honestly.]
Do you know for sure what triggers it? Reminders? [Working off of his own fucking. PTSD hallucinations. Which fortunately don't distract him anymore because they aren't as bad as Mathis's and he's had 9 years to get used to them anyway, but still.]
[wait, no, he probably meant a problem for us, not for scien...
he pauses. starts over.]
...if we do have to fight him, I don't think that alone would trigger my memories. But he needs to be incapacitated somehow-- Kate said that she killed him when he let his guard down, b-but when it isn't, he's... deceptively strong. He regularly has to handle attempts on his life.
[...]
I took it because I might need it for a situation at home, but if we have absolutely no choice but to kill him, I have one of the items that can bring someone back to life.
He can fix my instability. There just hasn't been time.
[HE REALLY NEEDS THAT GUY ALIVE or he too is going to die.]
[He did indeed mean for their side, thank you for catching on Mathis. -> Kanda, one of the only people around still willing to consider the Overseers as cultists more than allies.
There's a twist of discomfort in his emotions at the mention of the revival item, but he doesn't say anything. Instead:]
...If they're in control of themselves, it shouldn't be a problem. [He doesn't necessarily like them, but he trusts by now that they'd prefer not do their group any real harm. If the cult does cast some kind of magic on them, well... they'll deal with that when it happens.
But also--he looks at Mathis, serious.]
If you become a liability, I won't hesitate. So don't be reckless.
[Mathis knows the type of person he is by now--but he's never truly seen Kanda fight. And Kanda knows, through experience, that he can be as straightforward as possible, and it's still a shock to some when they see the ruthless decisions he can make on a dime. Personal feelings go out the window for him at times like these. It's about defeating the enemy with minimal casualties, and he will do anything it takes to ensure that happens.]
...I know that you won't. You're more than enough to handle me, if something goes wrong and I turn out to be a problem for us instead of them.
[he wouldn't be learning from kanda if he weren't stronger, more skilled, more decisive. and he understands; he would prefer if someone acted, honestly, instead of letting him hurt their own.
he'd prefer if that were knocking his ass out over killing him, he wants to live, but.]
If we are forced to deal with Scien, then if it can be helped, please don't kill him... but if you do, I'll trust that you decided it was necessary.
[he'll trust that it was a judgment call on his part.]
[He nods, satisfied with that response. It wouldn't stop him even if Mathis had felt hurt or betrayed, but he appreciates that Mathis understands what he's trying to convey.
...Will he say that? No of course not. BUT IT IS THERE.]
We'll see what we're up against tomorrow, and go from there.
[I don't want you to die either. So, yes--the greater good takes precedence, but he fortunately has no strong desire to immediately murder Scien.]
[He's not fully convinced Mathis can truly envision the sorts of enemies Kanda might find himself facing, but... technically, Kanda is guessing too, so.]
...Do what you want, then.
[He's made himself clear enough, he thinks. And besides, he has no idea how much training Mathis has done in the time since his death. All he can do is trust that Mathis knows his limits.]
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mathis joins him! he needs the distraction, to be honest-- likely needs a moment at first to manage to focus, his concentration interrupted by his concern and lingering worry. but once he's able to just put his attention on this, on kanda, on fighting him until the buzz of worry settles into the background and quiets, it's easier, especially with emotionshare letting him lean a little on the sharp focus kanda maintains.
it helps. he feels calmer by the time he breaks away, breathing hard, likely bruised up again if kanda is being intense about it. he's set on helping with whatever comes, after all.]
...I think... I think I shouldn't push any further for tonight.
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Mm. We don't want to risk the spring's effects.
[As far as he knows they haven't affected anyone as badly as the swamp, but he doesn't trust the spring so he is fine with stopping now.]
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[but he doesn't say it self-consciously. there's a little more determination, there, especially after laudna had said he would be killed immediately. that he needed protection.
he'll pull his own weight.]
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...The stuff we used the rock for--it won't affect you, will it?
[He knows they specified "with limitations" and Mathis's... whole thing isn't, like, a power or ability anyway, so he doesn't think it should be a problem--but still.]
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[but the same as always is still...
well.]
...which means there is a chance that I could be affected by my memories in a genuine fight.
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Do you know for sure what triggers it? Reminders? [Working off of his own fucking. PTSD hallucinations. Which fortunately don't distract him anymore because they aren't as bad as Mathis's and he's had 9 years to get used to them anyway, but still.]
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It shouldn't be a problem for us unless I end up perceiving one of us as a threat, but it could still cause trouble.
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Will it be a problem if we have to fight Scien?
[They might not, but. Worth knowing.]
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[wait, no, he probably meant a problem for us, not for scien...
he pauses. starts over.]
...if we do have to fight him, I don't think that alone would trigger my memories. But he needs to be incapacitated somehow-- Kate said that she killed him when he let his guard down, b-but when it isn't, he's... deceptively strong. He regularly has to handle attempts on his life.
[...]
I took it because I might need it for a situation at home, but if we have absolutely no choice but to kill him, I have one of the items that can bring someone back to life.
He can fix my instability. There just hasn't been time.
[HE REALLY NEEDS THAT GUY ALIVE or he too is going to die.]
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There's a twist of discomfort in his emotions at the mention of the revival item, but he doesn't say anything. Instead:]
...If they're in control of themselves, it shouldn't be a problem. [He doesn't necessarily like them, but he trusts by now that they'd prefer not do their group any real harm. If the cult does cast some kind of magic on them, well... they'll deal with that when it happens.
But also--he looks at Mathis, serious.]
If you become a liability, I won't hesitate. So don't be reckless.
[Mathis knows the type of person he is by now--but he's never truly seen Kanda fight. And Kanda knows, through experience, that he can be as straightforward as possible, and it's still a shock to some when they see the ruthless decisions he can make on a dime. Personal feelings go out the window for him at times like these. It's about defeating the enemy with minimal casualties, and he will do anything it takes to ensure that happens.]
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[he wouldn't be learning from kanda if he weren't stronger, more skilled, more decisive. and he understands; he would prefer if someone acted, honestly, instead of letting him hurt their own.
he'd prefer if that were knocking his ass out over killing him, he wants to live, but.]
If we are forced to deal with Scien, then if it can be helped, please don't kill him... but if you do, I'll trust that you decided it was necessary.
[he'll trust that it was a judgment call on his part.]
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...Will he say that? No of course not. BUT IT IS THERE.]
We'll see what we're up against tomorrow, and go from there.
[I don't want you to die either. So, yes--the greater good takes precedence, but he fortunately has no strong desire to immediately murder Scien.]
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[that thought gets a flicker of something warm, mixed with some concern in turn.]
I'd like to see you safe after it all, as well, so... so you'll have as much of my support as I can give.
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[Truly sometimes you are OP and functionally immortal. Terrible Dice Maiden rolls notwithstanding.]
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[and he will be concerned by nature, until he sees that kanda will be fine for himself. what if it doesn't entirely work!!]
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You don't want to stick with the sword spirit guy?
["What about Lucas" no Kanda doesn't think anyone should be near Lucas when he fights actually]
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A-as I said, I do... I do want to support you.
[he's trained with him, he's fond of him-- of course he'd fight with him.]
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...Do what you want, then.
[He's made himself clear enough, he thinks. And besides, he has no idea how much training Mathis has done in the time since his death. All he can do is trust that Mathis knows his limits.]
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[zero of you guys are going to tell him about lucas and i love that for him, he's truly walking out of this without mathis ever knowing a THING.]
If it seems like too much, then... I'll get myself out of it.
[so that he isn't a hindrance, or a burden to him.]