lavi [pcs]

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You'll... write him too, won't you? Tell him-- tell him yourself.

[his voice is still soft, raspy from all of his sobbing.

after that- his thoughts are very quiet for another few moments.]

...and, Lavi-

[he hesitates there before he finishes the sentence. working up the nerve, probably.]

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[...

Lavi's quiet at that, and then he looks over at Mathis without asking out loud for Mathis to continue, simply waiting instead.]

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[it takes a few seconds.

but.]

...I hope it won't... ever come up.

But he isn't here now, s-so-

[another little breath.]

So since you already told me what you wanted, then if you ever need me to, I can take his place.

[even if i want to save you more than most.]

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[At that, Lavi shifts a little, moving back to look at Mathis. His expression is completely neutral.]

Could you really kill me?

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...only because... I know that it's what you told me you wanted.

If that's still your answer, then I-

[i don't want him to die. i don't want him to die like lucas did. suffer like camille did. i can't let-- i can't-

not again. no more. i can't.

his fingers curl tightly into the fabric of his shirt.]

Then-

[...damn it. he can't even say it out loud; mathis bites his lip, and finally shakes his head, eye closing as he lowers his gaze.]

...

Maybe I can't.

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[...]

It's okay if you can't. What's not okay is if you hurt yourself trying to give me something that I want.

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I-

[he struggles with it. searches for the words, or... at least for words that he can actually say. in the end--

in the end, he can't find them, and in his thoughts there's just: but i don't have anything else to give you.]

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...You've given me a lot already, and that's enough. Promise.

So don't beat yourself up about it.

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[it doesn't feel like enough. how could it be? he's still... he's only...

he's becoming a little more sure of who he is, but if he isn't a person who can do anything, will it matter?

a little of that comes through in his thoughts, though not clearly, but aloud he just says-]

...if you say so.