she is probably curled up by the pyre, trying to like, figure out what the fuck to do now. when she hears mathis, she startles, looking up at him, but - she cannot manage a smile today, so she just. looks at him like a kicked puppy. hey buddy.]
[tugs him closer because he has been assigned her favorite teddy bear.]
Fuck. [she mumbles, rubbing her face against her shoulder. it hurt him. she saw. she saw the horror up close and personal. it was visceral and she won't forget it, like she won't forget driving a chainsaw through his chest.
it hurt him to do that. a blessing and a curse. he cared enough that it was painful.]
[she's trying so hard to not cry again, but it's just. it's hard.
it did. it hurt her.]
It's awful, you know that? [she knows he knows, she's just saying it out loud.] Stupid fuck said he fancied me last night. Gave me heartache for the rest of the time I've got. Thanks.
[WHAT? HE WHAT? mathis's eyes are wide, shocked at first, and then just-
his face falls, at the realization. before he went, he must have... that must have been something that he wanted her to know. he decided not to leave things unsaid.]
...th-then it must have been... important to him. For you to know that... that he felt that way about you, even in such a short time.
Yeah. Yeah, it... [she just trails off.] I liked him too. Feels like a lot of things are getting cut short lately, is all.
[it's not love or anything, because how could it be - it's only been a week. but it could've gone somewhere, she thinks, and what she regrets most is not having more time.
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she is probably curled up by the pyre, trying to like, figure out what the fuck to do now. when she hears mathis, she startles, looking up at him, but - she cannot manage a smile today, so she just. looks at him like a kicked puppy. hey buddy.]
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mathis settles next to her, though he's unsure of what to say, nervous about choosing the wrong words.]
A-are you...
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silence, for a second, and then:]
I... I'm alright. [probably. maybe. she will be.]
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[he says quietly, eyes downcast. that wasn't- it wasn't fair.]
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[she says, voice breaking a bit.]
That's what you're supposed to say, right? Some kind of hero would want to do this, be the one. But I didn't.
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[he shakes his head slightly, scooting closer.]
No one should want to kill someone else like that.
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[she says, but. he can come closer, she'll hold out her not fucked up hand if he wants to curl.]
It... it was a mercy. [she has to keep saying it over and over so that sticks.]
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Yes. It... it hurt him, to do that.
[the horror when he came back to himself, the way he accepted it...
he was able to die as himself, but was that a kindness, to have that realization with it?]
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Fuck. [she mumbles, rubbing her face against her shoulder. it hurt him. she saw. she saw the horror up close and personal. it was visceral and she won't forget it, like she won't forget driving a chainsaw through his chest.
it hurt him to do that. a blessing and a curse. he cared enough that it was painful.]
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...it hurt you, too.
[he says quietly. just- letting it be something said aloud.]
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it did. it hurt her.]
It's awful, you know that? [she knows he knows, she's just saying it out loud.] Stupid fuck said he fancied me last night. Gave me heartache for the rest of the time I've got. Thanks.
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[WHAT? HE WHAT? mathis's eyes are wide, shocked at first, and then just-
his face falls, at the realization. before he went, he must have... that must have been something that he wanted her to know. he decided not to leave things unsaid.]
...th-then it must have been... important to him. For you to know that... that he felt that way about you, even in such a short time.
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Yeah. Yeah, it... [she just trails off.] I liked him too. Feels like a lot of things are getting cut short lately, is all.
[it's not love or anything, because how could it be - it's only been a week. but it could've gone somewhere, she thinks, and what she regrets most is not having more time.
that's all she ever wants.]
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[making it worth it, with the time they have left. because especially for people like them who won't have much-
things are going to continue being cut short.]
...but I think it's going to be difficult.