mathis claude. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cumulative) wrote2024-06-10 03:33 pm
cumulative) wrote2024-06-10 03:33 pmmarina [pcs]
church teeeens who live in chuuuurch and don't steal the bibleeee
cumulative) wrote2024-06-10 03:33 pm
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... I won't bring it up if you don't want. But I also don't mind hearing you out.
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[TRULY being thrown in the fucking deep end here.]
Um, but i-it's... complicated.
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[ she just kind of laces her inked up fingers together. ]
I think... a lot of these are complicated. Not like we don't have the time, though.
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[so this is SO MUCH. god.]
A-and this is so... hard to avoid.
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[ a beat... she thinks about this and just. takes a very big breath, letting it out slowly as she gazes at one of the windows of the church. these things on their skin aren't easy to talk about, but she thinks about it, and she decides maybe... maybe it's worth it. ]
I'll tell you a story. My father. He was a big name priest back in Prehevil... performed all kinds of old rituals and rites to try and earn favor with the old gods.
[ she slowly rubs at her knuckles. ]
It's tradition, for a dark priest's first born son to take on his mantle, and all of those rites and rituals, hoping for gods steeped in pain to gaze upon them. [ a pause ] ... But my mother wasn't into that kind of thing. Don't know why my father married her - maybe just to secure an heir.
[ the words elongate, shift, twist, still the same just bigger, worse, up her arms like fetid roots. ]
She gave birth to a son, and she lied to my father. Said that she had born him a daughter instead. And she raised me just like that. He's called me a traitor and a coward for abandoning "his ways", but... I'd rather see death than become some bug-eating misanthrope that'd sell my own flesh and blood to hell for just a sliver of power.
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[he's horrified as he listens to that story, to the way she describes the things her father wanted her to take on; it's enough to make someone queasy, thinking about it. what could be important enough, to go so far? what would make a person desire power so badly-?]
I think... it's very brave of you, to know that you weren't willing to do those things a-and... refuse what he wanted.
[that's the opposite of cowardice. he's wrong.
another bit of that is curious to him, though, and he can't help but ask-]
U-um, if I may ask... is it strange for you, to have been raised as... something else? F-forgive me if this is too personal, but I had never heard of...
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[ to show safety. lacing her fingers together, she looks towards them and smiles a bit, self-satisfied. fuck you, old man. ]
My mother raised me as a daughter from birth - and as I grew up, I felt like it was right, even if I was perhaps... different from my peers. Maybe I was simply born under the right soul to do just that.
So no, it was never strange for me...
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[he listens quietly, curious. it would have been unpleasant to be raised a way she didn't actually feel was right, but if she felt like it was, then-- that's what's important, isn't it? mathis might not necessarily understand, but she sounds satisfied.]
Th-then I'm... glad it didn't feel as if you were living as someone you weren't.
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I... don't regret it. Not one bit. I think living with the decisions made for you can be difficult, but ultimately... you should live your own life. Best you can.