lavi [pcs]

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[cumulative]

[infirmary cabin probably!! ashlyn brought him here after he just. shut the fuck down earlier.

he's still quiet, still sitting motionless with his thoughts little more than a low background murmur, but. mathis is at least not so dead to the world as he was earlier.]

[bookpapers]

[BUT STILL PRETTY DEAD HUH

Lavi will go over and sit next to him. He should call his name and try and rouse him, but instead he just. sits. he sits in the silence and says nothing, but his thoughts still run in his head.

I thought she wanted to live.]

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... I hoped... she might.

[a little more responsive, at least, though his voice is soft, more muted than usual.

i helped keep her alive. i knew i had to let her... make her own choice, when she could.]

But it was her decision.

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[his mouth thins at that, and there's another long stretch of silence. then.]

Was she your partner?

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...no. I don't know... who it was that she was partnered to.

[a little shake of his head.]

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[some of the tension eases from him at that, but.]

...I voted for Daan because I didn't want two people to die.

[He told me to look after her.]

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So did I.

[he... couldn't do that to someone when-- there are so few of us.]

Th-though I think some of us... couldn't take making the choice at all, considering the votes.

[and, well, speaking of not being able to take things. he's quiet again for a moment, before:]

...I'm... sorry for yesterday, too.

[bookpapers]

[there's a beat before Lavi realizes what Mathis means, and he sighs.]

You were following up on something that was suspicious.

[Whoever fucking did that didn't do us any favors.]

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Mm. That, too, but... I meant...

[i misstepped, that's all.

or at least, he's fairly sure he did, with how lavi reacted.]

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...I didn't want to look at them. Either of them.

[I didn't want to look at them and wish we got who killed Yuu instead. I didn't want to look at their tragedies and only feel envy.]

So I had to walk away.

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Lavi...

[those thoughts are-- he can't help but wilt a bit, thinking, i wish we had too. i wanted to. he deserved better.]

-I'm sorry that we didn't.

[bookpapers]

[there's a beat of silence where Lavi just looks off into the distance and doesn't think much of all,]

We'll get 'em next time.