[the change doesn't go unnoticed, but Lavi is temporarily chalking it down to 'wow mathis must really like books!!!' which is a valid explanation considering how bookless they've been for a whole MONTH,
[HE HAD A FEELING BC MATHIS AND LUCAS ARE FRENCH NAMES..... but also not entirely because what are the odds that their island nation are all filled with FRENCH PEOPLE?]
Y'know, they say that French is the most romantic language in the world.
[and he's thought about doing this already-- nearly did, the other night, when he kissed lavi's cheek. realized afterwards that oh, no, he sort of wanted to do that for real, if he survived. mathis didn't have the boldness for it yesterday.
he does now.]
Lavi--
[one hand comes up to rest at the side of his face, as mathis leans in to press a kiss to his lips.]
[this time the kiss doesn't surprise him, or maybe it does. he can chalk up feelings to the heat of the moment, especially on the verge of death -- which is where Mathis was last week. so Lavi can understand, and he's more than fine with accepting that reason. he's just surprised that Mathis is following through, even after the confirmation from both Mathis and Famine that he'll be alright. that this sign of affection might actually be sincere.
there's a beat or two as Lavi remains still, and then gradually pulls back, one hand reaching up to take Mathis's from his face -- lowering it between them, but still holding on. there is none of his usual levity or mischief, not in the corners of his mouth or his eye. just a seriousness that might seem out of character from him, if the situation didn't warrant it.]
[he doesn't shrink back from him, holding on to his hand in turn, meeting his gaze without wavering from it like he normally might end up doing.]
I already told you that I didn't want to die without being able to tell you goodbye, but before I knew if I would survive, I couldn't... do this, knowing I might be gone the next day. [a little shake of his head.] I'm not sure I'd realized that I wanted to, before then...
[but he's become important. even before their trip to hell, he already was, but going through that-- seeing how immediately he came to mathis's defense when he was targeted for his nature, refused to let him give up his life for the others--
it just became undeniable, over the weekend.]
You're... made up of more than just one person too, in a way. I don't only care for 'Lavi'. I care for the person who said that he hasn't learned how not to get attached, and who told me that meetings like this make it worthwhile.
[Lavi listens, attention on Mathis, absorbing every word. His expression still serious and quiet, even when Mathis finishes speaking. The trouble with the past week -- besides the obvious, is that too much of Lavi was shown to too many people, including the boy standing in front of him. And yet also not enough, because it's impossible to reveal himself to others when he doesn't even know who he is.
There are some similarities between them -- very slight, but they're there, so Lavi believes Mathis when he says that he doesn't mind that Lavi is just a collection of traits masquerading as a normal person. But the rest -- they're too different. Lavi will never be as brave or bright or caring, sincere with the desire to protect others. He will never want to take that first step. He will never choose hope. He does not deserve these feelings,
but he knows enough to be grateful for them. He carefully releases Mathis's hand, a smile blooming across his face. His own smile, that he dislikes the most. But he still offers it anyway.]
...Thanks.
I like ya too, y'know. I'm glad you're still here, and I am glad that I met you.
[and he'll always like that bravery. something wholly mathis. there's a beat, then,]
But I'm not the kind of person who can let someone in -- not in the way you're brave enough to. I'm pretty sure I won't ever be.
I... wondered if you might not be. Especially here- I know that all of this is probably just something temporary, as well.
[something that will be remembered, but still ultimately left behind. something that can't stay, that none of them could probably stay in if they wanted to. he lets his hand go, and mathis doesn't try to cling on, allowing it.
he knows, too, the likeliest outcome. he confirmed his wish could save her, save his home nation, but... not himself. it couldn't be stretched that far. whatever happens here may still be...]
...but if these are going to be the last experiences that I have, and the last chance I have to learn who Mathis Claude actually is, then I didn't want to leave things undone.
[one of the things he's learned is-]
I'll still be-- someone who loves you, for everything you've given me.
[...Thank you. I don't have a heart or a home to be in, but... knowing I was in yours even for just this moment makes me happy.
He does not say that, instead his smile turns a little rueful,]
You sure are smooth when it counts. Think I could learn a little something from ya.
[normally, he'd reach up to ruffle Mathis's hair or do something else friendly and meaningless, but he stays his hand. it doesn't feel really right on the heels of this conversation,]
But I don't want this to be the last for you. You still have to write that novel, and reach that happy ending, right?
[he manages a little smile of his own; not quite sheepish, but. just a touch of something a bit sad to it. he can say all he likes to the people he loves, but that doesn't do him much good.]
...I'm still going to try, but wishes can't do everything. [...] I asked Famine to help me make one that would cover everything I wanted, and they were able to help me include more than I originally hoped for, but it won't go far enough to... change anything for me.
I won't just resign myself to that, but I'll still make sure that I don't waste any of my time.
In part. The rest is... because of where I was. Without Ceres...
I don't understand Jean, anymore. He's gone mad-- if she isn't there for his experiment, I don't know whether I'll survive and escape. And even if I do, I'll die due to my instability if it isn't fixed.
[after a few moments;]
Someone may be able to help me with that part. But what I'd be going home to... that's still a problem.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Lavi heads over to join him, because there's nothing like BOOKS after an insane week two.]
Thought I'd never get to read something besides a bible and a rulebook again.
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[he's delighted with the prospect. confidence week is going great for him, it sounds like; there's no hesitation in his voice, like there normally is.
anyway, speaking of languages, since this effect is also lack of filter...]
Did I ever tell you that your name sounds a bit like a word in mine?
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more importantly, he tilts his head, curious]
Yeah? Which word?
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La vie. It's the word for "life".
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Lavi blinks, and then in French, which I must rely on the translator for but Lavi would technically know how to speak perfectly,]
La vie est une fleur. L'amour en est le miel.
["Life is a flower. Love is its honey."]
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[EVEN MORE DELIGHTED... he is faintly pink, smile a little brighter.]
'Mais mon amour silencieux et fidèle, sourit toujours et remercie la vie...'
['but my silent and faithful love, always smile and thank life', roughly.]
The poetry we've found from other lands is beautiful, too, but I still prefer it in ours.
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Yours sounds just like the language of France.
[HE HAD A FEELING BC MATHIS AND LUCAS ARE FRENCH NAMES..... but also not entirely because what are the odds that their island nation are all filled with FRENCH PEOPLE?]
Y'know, they say that French is the most romantic language in the world.
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[it does have a particularly nice sound to it.]
I think that speaking it suits you.
[and he's thought about doing this already-- nearly did, the other night, when he kissed lavi's cheek. realized afterwards that oh, no, he sort of wanted to do that for real, if he survived. mathis didn't have the boldness for it yesterday.
he does now.]
Lavi--
[one hand comes up to rest at the side of his face, as mathis leans in to press a kiss to his lips.]
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there's a beat or two as Lavi remains still, and then gradually pulls back, one hand reaching up to take Mathis's from his face -- lowering it between them, but still holding on. there is none of his usual levity or mischief, not in the corners of his mouth or his eye. just a seriousness that might seem out of character from him, if the situation didn't warrant it.]
Mathis.
...Is this what you meant by 'tomorrow'?
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[he doesn't shrink back from him, holding on to his hand in turn, meeting his gaze without wavering from it like he normally might end up doing.]
I already told you that I didn't want to die without being able to tell you goodbye, but before I knew if I would survive, I couldn't... do this, knowing I might be gone the next day. [a little shake of his head.] I'm not sure I'd realized that I wanted to, before then...
[but he's become important. even before their trip to hell, he already was, but going through that-- seeing how immediately he came to mathis's defense when he was targeted for his nature, refused to let him give up his life for the others--
it just became undeniable, over the weekend.]
You're... made up of more than just one person too, in a way. I don't only care for 'Lavi'. I care for the person who said that he hasn't learned how not to get attached, and who told me that meetings like this make it worthwhile.
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There are some similarities between them -- very slight, but they're there, so Lavi believes Mathis when he says that he doesn't mind that Lavi is just a collection of traits masquerading as a normal person. But the rest -- they're too different. Lavi will never be as brave or bright or caring, sincere with the desire to protect others. He will never want to take that first step. He will never choose hope. He does not deserve these feelings,
but he knows enough to be grateful for them. He carefully releases Mathis's hand, a smile blooming across his face. His own smile, that he dislikes the most. But he still offers it anyway.]
...Thanks.
I like ya too, y'know. I'm glad you're still here, and I am glad that I met you.
[and he'll always like that bravery. something wholly mathis. there's a beat, then,]
But I'm not the kind of person who can let someone in -- not in the way you're brave enough to. I'm pretty sure I won't ever be.
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[something that will be remembered, but still ultimately left behind. something that can't stay, that none of them could probably stay in if they wanted to. he lets his hand go, and mathis doesn't try to cling on, allowing it.
he knows, too, the likeliest outcome. he confirmed his wish could save her, save his home nation, but... not himself. it couldn't be stretched that far. whatever happens here may still be...]
...but if these are going to be the last experiences that I have, and the last chance I have to learn who Mathis Claude actually is, then I didn't want to leave things undone.
[one of the things he's learned is-]
I'll still be-- someone who loves you, for everything you've given me.
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He does not say that, instead his smile turns a little rueful,]
You sure are smooth when it counts. Think I could learn a little something from ya.
[normally, he'd reach up to ruffle Mathis's hair or do something else friendly and meaningless, but he stays his hand. it doesn't feel really right on the heels of this conversation,]
But I don't want this to be the last for you. You still have to write that novel, and reach that happy ending, right?
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[he manages a little smile of his own; not quite sheepish, but. just a touch of something a bit sad to it. he can say all he likes to the people he loves, but that doesn't do him much good.]
...I'm still going to try, but wishes can't do everything. [...] I asked Famine to help me make one that would cover everything I wanted, and they were able to help me include more than I originally hoped for, but it won't go far enough to... change anything for me.
I won't just resign myself to that, but I'll still make sure that I don't waste any of my time.
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Lavi moves so that he's leaning on the edge of the table, facing Mathis.]
Is it cause of your memories? Because your body will break down if it's not maintained?
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I don't understand Jean, anymore. He's gone mad-- if she isn't there for his experiment, I don't know whether I'll survive and escape. And even if I do, I'll die due to my instability if it isn't fixed.
[after a few moments;]
Someone may be able to help me with that part. But what I'd be going home to... that's still a problem.
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But would he still be there when you get back? It's already been a few weeks. You think he'll still be there waiting for you?
[lavi doesn't know they'll just go back at the SAME TIME]
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...time must not be... the same, here. Lucas remembered things very differently from the way I do, and-
[...he cuts himself off, shaking his head.]