[he manages to take a second, at least, to remind himself that it was going to have to happen, to tamp down the reflex that protests that he's absolutely going to hold killing lucas against her.]
...she understands that she's lucky, doesn't she?
[that he had others ready to keep an eye on him, when she set him off. that he's not strong enough to have gotten free, or fast enough to have dodged them.]
I know that I can't say very much about acting without thinking, when I'm... the way that I am, but...
[no, listen, that's not what she's not holding against yuffie, she's not holding the making excuses against her. she is absolutely mad at yuffie for killing lucas no matter what was going to happen there! that she can't help.]
She doesn't, and I'm not going to spend the time to explain it to her. Your business isn't her business, and I told her to butt out of it.
[reaches over to tuck his hair behind his ear.]
She should've given you a chance. I would've liked to... say anything at all, but. [...] Anyway, it's not about me.
If she doesn't, then I think that you were right to tell her to leave me alone.
[he remembers hearing her being told she didn't understand what she was talking about, and he agrees. she doesn't realize that mathis-- mathis would have backed up lucas's lie, to buy him just a little more time in that trial. to keep him from dying in exactly the way that he did.]
I was just about to ask everyone not to hurt him.
[he says, finally, head tilted a little into her touch. the bright side of alpha week is he can feel mad about it instead of guilty he wasn't faster.]
Yeah. Like I said - those are your secrets to tell. She doesn't know anything about your memories, or... anything about you, really.
[...]
I'm sorry you lost him. Really. I know I've said, it just... [a beat.] Maybe it's horrible to say, but I stopped you from hurting her because I didn't want to lose you too.
I didn't genuinely want to hurt her. That was only the instability. But if I had been myself, I still would have been angry with her.
[he just would have lost it on her verbally instead of physically.]
... you won't lose me that way. If I'm affected by the rituals, or if someone kills me and I can't survive it, I can't stop that, but I promised that I would try to live.
Think you've got a right to be. Not even think, know.
[...]
I'm glad to hear that, daisychain. That you're going to try. Makes me feel better, anyway, after everything. Most stressful fucking Saturday of my life.
...I am sorry for making it more difficult. I thought the best that I'd be able to do was say goodbye, once you knew what Iwatooshi was.
[and then i got absolutely fuckinnnng jumpscared!!!]
Oh, but I asked Famine- I should be able to tell you this. I do have a new partner. I was being careful yesterday because I already had to break the rules to find one, since that was my fourth confirmation... but they said that if I told someone my monster and power before, I can still share it now.
No, I fucking forgot - I'm sorry, daisychain, that's all me.
[she's laughing, though. she leans over to ruffle his hair.]
Trying to be nice to people. Gave one to Daan, the first week, to try and cheer him up. Forgot the second week entirely, last week I sent one to Aerith to try and make her feel like she wasn't alone.
[a little ): face but.]
Haven't done this week, but I've got something in mind.
He isn't afraid of me, but it feels like sometimes when he speaks to me, he's waiting for something to happen. I don't know if he believes that I'm not going to turn on him out of nowhere.
I don't think it's just you, honestly. That's how he is - won't tell you his business, obviously, but he's nervous around people. Doesn't like to be touched or even looked at that long.
[a sigh.]
He's only just starting to not be like that around me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[right after everything, he really just-- he couldn't.]
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[scratch snuffles, coming to wedge himself up against mathis.]
We talked, she's under strict orders to leave you alone about it.
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What did she have to say about it?
[petting scratch... hello good boy.]
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Excuses, mostly. [her tail flicks.] But she's a kid, so I can't hold it against her. Just have to hope she's not rash, next time.
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...she understands that she's lucky, doesn't she?
[that he had others ready to keep an eye on him, when she set him off. that he's not strong enough to have gotten free, or fast enough to have dodged them.]
I know that I can't say very much about acting without thinking, when I'm... the way that I am, but...
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She doesn't, and I'm not going to spend the time to explain it to her. Your business isn't her business, and I told her to butt out of it.
[reaches over to tuck his hair behind his ear.]
She should've given you a chance. I would've liked to... say anything at all, but. [...] Anyway, it's not about me.
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[he remembers hearing her being told she didn't understand what she was talking about, and he agrees. she doesn't realize that mathis-- mathis would have backed up lucas's lie, to buy him just a little more time in that trial. to keep him from dying in exactly the way that he did.]
I was just about to ask everyone not to hurt him.
[he says, finally, head tilted a little into her touch. the bright side of alpha week is he can feel mad about it instead of guilty he wasn't faster.]
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Yeah. Like I said - those are your secrets to tell. She doesn't know anything about your memories, or... anything about you, really.
[...]
I'm sorry you lost him. Really. I know I've said, it just... [a beat.] Maybe it's horrible to say, but I stopped you from hurting her because I didn't want to lose you too.
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[he just would have lost it on her verbally instead of physically.]
... you won't lose me that way. If I'm affected by the rituals, or if someone kills me and I can't survive it, I can't stop that, but I promised that I would try to live.
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[...]
I'm glad to hear that, daisychain. That you're going to try. Makes me feel better, anyway, after everything. Most stressful fucking Saturday of my life.
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[and then i got absolutely fuckinnnng jumpscared!!!]
Oh, but I asked Famine- I should be able to tell you this. I do have a new partner. I was being careful yesterday because I already had to break the rules to find one, since that was my fourth confirmation... but they said that if I told someone my monster and power before, I can still share it now.
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Figured that must have happened. Did your power change?
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[even like this, he's just. determined to be useful.]
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[she's just curious.]
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[so he's Pretty Sure it's okay.]
My monster is a manticore, now. I can spy on a conversation one person had, on one day.
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Oh, I know that one. [she sounds amused.] Got it. Bet you'll do great with it.
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[but he nods, smiling.]
I'm going to think about the best way to use it, before the end of the week.
[and, after thinking for a second-- confidence and lack of impulse week means he finally actually asks:]
Karlach, do you mind telling me yours? I've honestly been curious for a while...
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-- Did I never fucking tell you mine? Gods, you should've asked before! Only reason I haven't is because I thought I did already!
[LAUGHING HELP.]
Yeah, of course. I'm an Oni. I can send dreams to people.
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[aaaa HELP. he pauses a second, surprised, before he bursts into quiet laughter.]
I thought you must have some reason not to tell me--! What have you been doing with it?
[give him the dream goss]
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[she's laughing, though. she leans over to ruffle his hair.]
Trying to be nice to people. Gave one to Daan, the first week, to try and cheer him up. Forgot the second week entirely, last week I sent one to Aerith to try and make her feel like she wasn't alone.
[a little ): face but.]
Haven't done this week, but I've got something in mind.
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[he shrinks from her touch after a second.]
Sorry, it just feels a little different... I've been more sensitive.
[he's. still adjusting. it was worse yesterday when he wasn't just so sure he can tolerate it fine...]
Did it work for Monsieur Daan? I'm never very sure how he is, but I don't think he likes speaking with me much, either.
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[a beat.]
You don't think so? He's a bit of a tough nut to crack. [curiously...] He told me he thought it was a nice dream. That's all that matters to me.
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[how to put it.]
He isn't afraid of me, but it feels like sometimes when he speaks to me, he's waiting for something to happen. I don't know if he believes that I'm not going to turn on him out of nowhere.
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I don't think it's just you, honestly. That's how he is - won't tell you his business, obviously, but he's nervous around people. Doesn't like to be touched or even looked at that long.
[a sigh.]
He's only just starting to not be like that around me.
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[well he thought daan just saw him as ready to snap at any time.]
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