ashlyn [pcs]

[cumulative]

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w4 sunday

[cumulative]

[it's easy to steer him somewhere quiet, at least. he isn't responsive to her, doesn't say anything or even seem to think anything... but when she guides him along, he goes. she can take him wherever.]

[killies]

[ she doesn't want to make him walk far right now, so she just leads him infirmary so that he can sit down somewhere clean. her own thoughts are pretty nonverbal too, mostly just a faint ringing sound. ]

Sit down. [ on a chair or cot. whichever. ]

[cumulative]

[he can still hear her, evidently, or he's just like, listening subconsciously-- because he does sit, though he doesn't react otherwise.]

[killies]

[ ... she didn't think this through very far and doesn't actually know how to handle this water bottle she feels responsible for.

so she sits on a counter and then just watches him quietly. ]

[cumulative]

[someone please fucking help ashlyn i'm so sorry she's lifebonded to a traumatized water bottle

they're going to be sitting here for... a while, honestly, but. eventually, there's a sort of blip of thought again. nothing distinct, but a sign that he's a little more present.]

[killies]

[ on the up side, she really doesn't mind sitting in silence.

but she feels like she should say something if she went out of her way to force him to go somewhere with her. so. ]

... I wish she had chose different.

[cumulative]

...I do too. But she...

[it's already difficult enough to stay.]

...I wouldn't want her to only stay for us.

[killies]

Not even to protect you? She wanted to protect you!

[cumulative]

Then I'll have to protect myself.

[he says, sounding a little more tired. every DAY his desire to live is being TESTED.]

[killies]

[ that's a mood. her shoulders slump. ]

... Right. As long as you stay safe.

[cumulative]

I'm not going to do anything foolish.

[he'll try.]

...I can still defend myself.

[killies]

Good.

There are so few of us left on this side.

[cumulative]

I know. It's going to be... harder.

[every day i get stapled to life harder as so many of us die off]

[killies]

[ she doesn't say anything, but

i don't know how any week can be worse than this one. ]

[cumulative]

[there's a reflexive thought in response to that.

lavi. you. geto. monsieur gale. anis. robin. camille. famine, pestilence, war.

...there are still-- there are still so many people he could lose.]

[killies]

[ he's not wrong. she's going to hate literally any death that comes next.

but this week was still really a gut punch. ]

... We'll manage.

[cumulative]

We don't have another option.

[they'll manage because they have to.]

[killies]

You're right. That's how it always works.